May 25, 1996 Make Trophy Fast Nov 18, 1996 MAKE MONEY FAST ============================================= From: Ariel Mazzarelli (mazzare@primenet.com) Subject: Make Trophy Fast Date: May 25, 1996 After the recent UEFA ruling, we have reached agreements with all the major UEFA leagues, which entitles to make the following exclusive offer: we can deliver 11 Argentinians (Los Once) that will bring all the trophies your Eurocase will hold. Act now, orders will be filled for only one team per league (see note below). League trophy guaranteed or your money back. Please note that your costs will be reduced considerably if we restrict our personnel search to the amateur ranks. Money-back guarantee null and void if your league officials collude corruptly to deny your team its well-earned trophy--you are responsible for doling out the appropriate bribes. This voiding clause includes the "go ahead and kick his shins he's too bloody good" school of refereeing. On request, we can include players from Uruguay for a discount. On request, we can include players from Brasil, but if you need the money-back guarantee, we must pass on to you an 85% FIFA "fair play" tax. Note: we cannot extend this offer to Serie A, because many of the players that we would need are already playing for other teams there. We can however offer to promote your team from Serie B to Serie A. For the English Premier League, we are running a special offer--in addition to Los Once we will include a video called "What is gambeta?", guaranteed to cut down on the "what's all this then?" chants at your local grounds. Colombia used this method to bring its futbol into the 20th century, and now you can do the same for your local team. Act now, space is limited. Principals only need apply, Ariel CEO, Los Once Inc. ============================================= From: mazzare@primenet.com (Ariel Mazzarelli) Subject: MAKE MONEY FAST Date: 18 Nov 1996 03:07:01 -0700 For a limited time, you can substantially improve your personal financial standing by taking advantage of this very special opportunity. But you must act now before it's gone! For many years, the indoctrination of Europeans has been carefully administered by UEFA. As a result, a magnificent market opportunity has developed. This opportunity arises on an annual basis when the Intercontinental Club Championship is held in Tokyo, and consists of the following simple step: BET AGAINST THE EUROPEANS THAT THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN SOUTH AMERICA IN FUTBOL--THAT IS NEARLY A BILLION PEOPLE!! There is an added bonus in this year's tournament, as the opponent is from Argentina, and is playing in excellent form to boot. As is well-known, the one thing that an Eurocroto cannot possibly stomach is the recognition of the overwhelming technical superiority of the players from Argentina, as they cannot even offer up the excuse of a large population base from which such talent might be drawn (e.g. Brasil). Indeed, the idea that a little country with the population of Espa~a can produce more good players than their whole continent will time and time again lead them to put their money in YOUR pocket! When you hear a European ask "Who the hell is River anyway?", just think about their $$ going into your pocket and laugh! In addition, the odds against River will be even higher than usual due to the envy factor present in the aforementioned bulging brasuca population. Usually, billions of savvy brasucas are willing to go without a month's supply of kleenex in order to put up a few pesinhos for their representatives. When a team from Argentina plays, however, no brasuca is able to support it because they may have to recognize (yet again) the clear superiority of the futbol Rioplatense. Take advantage of the inability of a brasuca to cheer for a Rioplatense representative, and bet with your odds undiluted by their influence! Take those Eurodollars and do not worry about having to share your winnings with billions of others! Now you may be wondering about that pesky FIFA weighing in against your investment in the form of the biased referee. Fortunately, this historical bias is less relevant in a competition such as the Intercontinental Club Championship, because it is a single game. In tournaments such as the World Cup, there are several games over which this influence may be exerted. Here, however, not only is there but a single game to be played, but furthermore, the opponent is GUARANTEED not to be from Brasil. No arm-of-Tulio here! This thesis is further reinforced by observing that the most blatant thief at WC-level, England, has NEVER won the Intercontinental Club Championship. Imagine the fantastic odds that you might get if the fans of the Premier League, (nearly) to a man convinced of the superiority of their league over any other, walk to the betting booth like insular lemmings to bet against those wily Argentinians. Money might as well grow on trees! If you are STILL not convinced, observe that of all the countries in the world, the one that has won this trophy more than any other is ARGENTINA, with 7 titles (out of a total of 34). If you include the Rioplatense factor and count Uruguay's trophies, then you have 13 out of 34. How can you beat those odds!! So bet now (preferably in England or Italia), and next month, take that long-delayed vacation to the Caribbean (or Turin!) with your winnings, and don't forget to send a small contribution to this email address. [Juventus beat River Plate 1-0]